Holy Rolling Nuns Embezzle $500,000 To Feed Their Gambling Habit. Two nuns are accused of embezzling about $500,000 from a California Catholic school and using their ill-gotten earnings to enjoy themselves on gambling junkets.

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1. The gambling that used to occur once in a while (for fun) had changed and I was isolating myself from family and friends. I was constantly stressed-out; looking for money to play any chance I could. Always late and full of excuses, people quickly became frustrated with me.
2. Donna started gambling casually in her late 40s with friends. But when she found casinos and slot machines her life would change forever. She lost $200,000.

• My life is full of gambling stories. Some are funny, some are sad, some other almost tragic. I enjoyed and was fascinated by many of your stories here and decided to share some of mine in a series of short stories. Here’s the first one:

  My gambling addiction goes back a couple of decades. I was 16 when I started playing slots (nobody bothered to check my age back then) and as soon as I turned 18 I started visiting casinos, playing roulette at first and then, later, black jack. I was completely addicted by my early twenties. Addicted to the point where I was late on my rent and had literally nothing to eat on many occasions. It was horrible and I sometimes resorted to actions that I never though I was capable of. Actions that I was often ashamed of. At one such occasion my rent was overdue and I asked a friend for a loan. There was no one else I could ask for help. I emigrated when I was 20 and was all on my own in a foreign country, with a bad, bad gambling addiction. He agreed to loan me money for my rent, but knowing of my gambling habit, he warned me not to gamble, but to pay my landlord immediately. I didn’t appreciate him telling me something that obvious. Of course I wasn’t going to gamble with that money! Why does he have to rub it in, I thought to myself. What an *******! Of course I was going to pay the rent. What was he thinking? That I would gamble away my rent money now that my rent is overdue? He just wants to rub it in, that’s all. Not the friendliest thing to do, but I have only myself to blame. Anyway, I was going to pay the landlord. Had somebody asked me what I thought the odds were of me stopping at the casino on my way home and losing all that money, I would have said less than 1 in 1000. And I really wasn’t gonna stop at the casino. No way was I going to do that. I knew I had to pay the rent and I knew that if didn’t the chances were I would end up on the street. Homeless. No, I wasn’t going to take that chance; I was going to go straight to the landlord and pay my rent.
  But then I realized something. My buddy loaned me 375 fl. (guilders, Dutch currency before introduction of the Euro) and my rent was only 360. He didn’t have change, so he gave me 3 hundred fl. bills, 1 fifty fl. bill and 1 twenty-five fl. bill.
  That extra 15 fl. opened a myriad of options for me, endless possibilities. Not only did I now have money to pay my rent, I also had 15 fl. above and beyond that. 15 fl. that I was going to parlay into something meaningful. I was loving life. Not only was I not getting evicted, but with some luck I was going to have 50 or maybe even 100 fl extra and treat myself to something nice. Something I was long due, something that I deserved. Maybe a steak, french fries and some snacks for later. I had been eating crap for months. Blood rushed to my head. I was excited, ecstatic even, thinking of what I could do with 50 fl. And parlaying 15 to 50, although not likely, is possible. 1 in 3 odds. I can do it. I was due a break.
  And if I lose the 15 fl? Too bad, but I didn’t count on that money anyway. I knew there was no way was I going to lose more than 15. Worse comes to worse I’ll lose the 15, go home and pay the rent.
  After some consideration I decided to play a single hand of Black Jack first. I liked Black Jack and had just learned the basic strategy. I bet 10 fl. and was dealt 11 against the dealer’s 7. For those of you not familiar with Black Jack, having 11 against the dealer’s 7 is a fairly big advantage. I was tempted to double down. Double down I did, adding another 10 fl. and I lost. Now I only had 355 fl left, meaning I was 5 fl short on my rent. Not the end of the world, I knew, the landlord would understand it and wait a couple of days for 5 fl. But, instead, I decided to chase the 5 fl. with 350 fl.
  Short story shorter, I lost it ALL.
  That was probably the worst night of my life. I knew I was going to get evicted. I walked home, a long, cold walk through rainy weather. I was happy it was cold and I was wishing it would rain harder. I wanted to be punished. I arrived home and I didn’t know what to do. I lied on my bed. I thought about my options and quickly realized I had none. I was so poor, I had no valuable belongings that I could sell, I couldn’t ask my friend for more money because he wouldn’t give it to me, I knew the landlord wouldn’t be too sympathetic and I had gotten fired from the restaurant I was working at, a week earlier.
  The near future looked grim. I was lying in my bed motionless, inspecting my surrounding. I was tired, but I was afraid to fall asleep. I was afraid to fall asleep for I knew it would be a night full of nightmares. I had been there before. But it was never this bad. I looked around me in desperation. My shabby belongings, my worn-out shoes, a few books, my walkman, a couple of t-shirts and underwear that I hung to dry. One object caught my attention though. A roll-on deodorant.
  Then, I don’t know how or why, an idea formed in my head. I don’t know where it came from or what led to it, but I suddenly found myself grabbing the deodorant (it was made of glass) and started banging my face. I hit myself hard, inspecting for bruises after every blow. No bruises appeared at first and I kept on banging my head with the deodorant bottle relentlessly. It hurt, but I deserved it. And besides, I wasn’t doing it to hurt or punish myself. I was doing it as a way out. A shameful and disgraceful way out, I knew; but still better than the alternative of becoming homeless.
  I stopped hitting myself after a few minutes and waited. My face turned first pink then blue. I overdid it. My entire face was swollen and looked terrible.
  I went to bed and fell asleep. I slept like a baby for I knew my problems would go away. At least for the time being they would.
  In the morning I saw the landlord and told him what happened. I was mugged by two guys in the park. And they robbed me. They robbed me of the rent money I was going to give him that day. He was very sympathetic and said he’d wait till I’m in a position to pay him. Told the same story to my friend and he loaned me another 375 fl a couple of days later. This time I made it home.
  It wasn’t until 20 years later that I told my friend what really happened that night. He and I have been through thick and thin together and he is the closes friend I have. Even so, I felt really uncomfortable coming clean about it. If you dine with the devil, bring a long spoon

  Boy to I feel that pain. Been there.. literally.. Thanks for posting. It reminded me of that horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach when you are desperate and know you have no way out and no one to blame but yourself. That horrible feeling of self loathing and desperation where ideas you never thought were possible pop into your head. I never want that feeling again. It cost me too much.
  Thanks again.
  I will make this work!

It was a common assumption in the past that addiction may only be associated to an external substance, such as alcohol, food, or drugs for example: addiction is in fact a neurological dysfunction. It can be triggered by a number of factors, and can be activity based – work, sex, gambling, shopping are some examples; but really, one can develop addiction-like symptoms to anything. This fact is now recognised, and there are a number of outlets and centres that offer help: the term ‘adrenaline junkie’ may not be so far-fetched, as in fact, that’s what the activity based addict is after, rather than the ‘chemical shot’ offered by substances.

A study conducted at the Purdue University in Pennsylvania showed, through MRI scans, a neurological connection between addictive behaviour and thrill seeking. The brain of thrill seekers, when exposed to arousing images, activates an area called the ‘insula’, which is also active during addictive behaviours. Individuals whose personality wasn’t Type-T (thrill-seekers), when stimulated through emotionally arousing images, showed that the only the frontal cortex was active, which is the area that controls emotions. So it’s really down to what is experienced as ‘thrilling’: that, of course, varies from individual to individual.

A link between the Type-T personality and alcohol addiction has also been found by a study conducted by the National Institute of Drug Abuse (NIDA). Apparently, individuals who rate high on risk-seeking, are at a much higher risk of becoming alcoholics if their parents are. People who rate low on risk-seeking are less likely to become alcoholics, even if the stem from an alcoholic family. It would seem therefore that ‘environmental’ conditions have an influence on the individual’s behaviour; but more importantly, it would seem that there is a certain type of personality that is more likely to develop addictive behaviours.

What causes addiction, and what happens at a neurological level? ‘Substances’ trigger internal chemical reactions that lead to a ‘dopamine fest’ in the blood stream, hence the temporary feeling of euphoria and intoxication (with the inevitable ‘downer’): but this can also be ‘engineered’ by the body itself, if exposed to images and activities that stimulate a strong emotional response (fear and pleasure): this response may be felt stronger in certain personalities.

Addiction is more than an innocent habit: it’s a vicious cycle where the individual uses the ‘object’ to lift the mood up, consequently falling into an even worse ‘downer’ in the aftermath; the addict needs then to use again and again to avoid the unpleasant emotions he/she was trying to avoid in first place, as they come back amplified. When this becomes pathological, it sets the individual onto a course of dependency on the ‘object’: the dependency becomes more and more profound, until it absorbs the whole personality. The ‘object’ becomes the only thing that counts: addiction is a nasty and very dangerous illness, which ultimately leads to the annihilation of the self.

Craig Nakken in ‘The Addictive Personality: Roots, Ritual, Recovery’ has identified three distinct phases in the addictive cycle:

Phase 1: internal change: an internal shift has taken place internally. The change is not yet obvious externally, however the personality has been profoundly altered. The personality thinks accordingly to an addictive ‘logic’.

Phase 2: the addictive personality is firmly in place, and lifestyle changes become apparent through altered behaviour. Behaviour indicates that the person is out of control and dependency is characterised by ritualistic manner.

Bad Gambling Stories

Phase 3: total control of the addictive personality. Life breakdown: the addict doesn’t care about anything else other than getting ‘high’; extreme behaviour.

This process apparently is ‘mapped’ in the brain, and there seems to be no difference whether the addiction is substance based (drugs, alcohol, food) or activity based (work, gambling, sex, etc.). Addiction is an illness rooted in the neurological pathways of the brain: this would explain why it’s so difficult to ‘kick the habit’, once the habit has been established. Addictive impulses are generated physiologically, so overcoming addiction is not only a process based on free will: addiction is a neurological condition that has similarities with Tourette Syndrome, and requires a neurological ‘re-wiring’. The AA recommends uninterrupted attendance over 90 days in its programmes, which is incidentally roughly the time the brain needs to create new responses and pathways, e.i. to shift the addictive response neurologically.

The addictive response is irrational and visceral: it overrides the ‘objections’ of the rational brain and is uncontrollable. If the brain lifts a red flag, the response is somehow ignored by the system: the problem is also that the more the addictive pathway establishes itself in the brain, the less the individual will be able to control his/her conscious behaviour through the use of rationality, e.i. the frontal cortex, which is activated when the individual uses analytical/rational abilities.

The insula is connected to the addictive response, which would then explain why the craving for a ‘shot’ is so incontrollable, so ‘visceral’: the insula is believed to produce an emotionally meaningful context for sensory experience e.i. it translates the sensory experience into ‘feeling’. The insula has been largely ignored because there is no direct link to dopamine activation: however, MRI scans show that the insula is activated when the subject is exposed to ‘cues’– it’s believed that the insula’s role is one of ‘emotional memory’ storage, and that this area is responsible for generating cravings for the addictive object. One study in particular found that smokers who had suffered damage to the insula totally lost the craving for smoking. So, what is the relationship between ‘feelings’ and ‘physiology’, exactly? And does this impact on addiction?

Craig and Lange, as far as the XIX century, theorised that emotions and feelings are the result of a physiological state: in a word, how we ‘feel’ is the brain’s interpretation of the body’s chemical/physiological condition. Emotions would follow physiological states in the autonomic nervous system, rather than the reverse: this theory seems to have found validation in the latest findings about the role of the insula, and in particular in the studies conducted by Crain and Damasio.

Gambling Addiction Horror Stories Caught

Psychologically speaking, addiction originates from a ‘dysfunction’ in the emotional body (as we have seen above, these ‘feelings’ may be caused in first place by physiological changes in the body): the individual is faced with emotions and feelings that are uncomfortable and is not psychologically grounded enough to face something that appears problematic or that requires effort/control. Either way, an external object provides temporary relief, allowing the body to chemically go on a ‘high’, lifting the mood up: then it becomes a compulsion, as the addictive pathways establish themselves more and more in the brain’s map.

One, in principle, can become addicted to almost anything that causes a ‘shot’ of dopamine: addiction starts as an attempt by the individual to lift an emotional state. This process is not fundamentally unhealthy, as it’s simply an attempt to reverse a present negative state, and it’s acceptable if used in isolated cases. It becomes unhealthy when that becomes the only coping mechanism, leading inevitably to compulsion and dependency.

The line between habit and dependency can become a blurred one. T-type personality types are addicted to ‘thrill seeking’, and are after a self-generated ‘high’. The drive to be scared may be perhaps a matter of psychological need: to put it the way Jung famously put it, there is a need to express the ‘shadow’ that lives in each and every one of us, that part that contains all humanity’s unacceptable behaviours. Horror as a genre evokes a range of primal fears, so watching horror may have an important psychological cathartic function – the ‘exorcism’ of deeply seated subconscious fears: but, there may be also an addictive side.

The proof is not in the pudding, it’s in the insula: it would be interesting to verify if this visceral part of the brain is being activated when watching horror films. Interestingly though we enjoy horror only when we know it’s fictional: when really faced with a seriously scary or emotionally disturbing situation, and we know it’s real, we recoil from it – this is the correct empathic emotional response. This is possibly a response that is routed in how the early neurological system is stimulated, in early infancy.

I hope the above has given a better understanding of the dynamics of the addictive cycle and, if you are caught up in this problem, how to tackle the issue when you want to overcome addiction. It’s not that simple as it requires ‘re-wiring’ of established pathways: the good news though is that it’s indeed possible to rewire the brain. Perhaps the simple awareness of the fact that not only free will is required, but also a physiological intervention, will help understand that overcoming addiction is a process that takes time and necessary steps, and with hard work and patience, addiction can indeed be overcome.

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